急性黄疸性肝炎病因:重寻自我

重寻自我

Become a Pilgrim

做一个朝圣者

“A pilgrim is a seeker for answers she can’t find at home.” Anonymous

“一个朝圣者总是在寻找她在家里不能得知的答案。”——无名 

Here I go again, buckled into my seat on a small turbo-prop jet that will take me to Newark where I will catch my transatlantic flight. As the engines roar and the plane races down the runway, a sense of calmness overtakes me. I am AWAY, already out of cell phone contact, in my own space, just BEING, no longer tied to the agenda of others, the responsibility of home and the daily routine of job and community. For now I am free to be as I please, to lean my head back and give over to others—the pilot, flight attendant, even the weather—cheering my loss of control as well as  my failed attempt to change those I’ve left behind. Time to focus only on changing myself. I am rendered vulnerable, a rare but important quality of being.

再一次地，我又踏上了旅程。坐在座位上，系好安全带，这架小小的飞机将载我去纽马克市，在那里，我将踏上我那跨越大西洋的航班。引擎咆哮起来，飞机下了跑道，我突然感到平静了。在这之前，已经将手机关机，切断可能的电话联系。终于，我再一次离开，在自己的空间里，以自己喜欢的方式存在，不再受制于别人的日程，不再束缚于家庭的责任抑或日复一日的工作、社区生活。现在，我以自己高兴的姿态自由的呼吸。轻轻向后仰头，靠在座位上，让别人—飞行员、乘务员甚至是天气去为我的失控或是曾经想要改变我现在离开的那些人时所经历的失败而欢呼。是时候，将所有的注意力放在改变自己。生活中的种种让我变得脆弱，这是少见但却重要的存在特质。

Still, an hour later I must navigate one more crazy world—an international terminal where I follow signs, dodge other travelers, deal with security, navigate moving staircases, all anxiety provoking inventions of modern day life—but with several hours to spare I remind myself that there is no need to rush. I remain in my bubble and feel as though I am gliding above all the commotion.

然而，一小时以后，我又不得不在一个更加疯狂纷乱的世界里穿梭。在那个国际机场，我将跟着标志牌，躲开其他众多的旅行者，注意安全，穿梭于那些移动扶梯或其他种种现代生活中诱发焦虑的发明。我提醒自己到时我有几个小时的时间，因此用不着匆忙。我让思绪停留在自己想象的空间里，仿佛是在所有骚乱的上空滑翔而过。

I’m reminded of a time when I had cut it too close and inevitably missed a flight, cursing my failure until my traveling companion reminded me to “be kind to myself.” That phrase is with me now, and will be the mantra for my trip. I have been kind to many recently—putting their needs in front of mine—perhaps accruing points that would entitle me to be truly selfish on this journey.

我突然忆起有一次我把时间安排的太赶，以至于最后，不可避免地，错过了我的航班。那一次，我不停地咒骂着自己的愚蠢和失败，知道我的旅伴提醒我说“善待自己”。现在，我时时地记着这句话，它也将成为我旅行中的指导箴言。近来我一直对人很好，总是把别人的而非自己的需要放在首位，或许这些都给了让我在这次旅程中保持完全自我的理由。

我环绕大半个世界去旅行，去感受一种独立、与外界隔离的状态，这种感觉让我觉得神圣。

不再逆流而行，与之相反，我开始顺其自然。因为我相信，在这副冷冰冰的皮囊下，我心底的冰层很快将会融化，我的意识将会重生，甚至，一套全新的意念将会诞生。

因为圣诞将至，我的思绪开始飘向那些朝圣者，他们梦想着宗教自由并勇敢的去找寻实现理想的方式，不管不顾路途有多么艰险。我们中的多少人已经不再抱有这样的希望、这样的梦想，因为各种各样的原因我们缺少勇气、方法和念想，我们在前进的道路上止步不前，渐渐远离我们原本期望的生活方式。正如我在《海边的一年》里说的那样，顺从的思想和习惯会像一颗毒瘤一样在一个女人的灵魂深处慢慢成长壮大，一直到她的命运再也不能掌握在自己手中。不要再服从！不要再迟疑！开始你的旅行，体验在前方等待着我们的所有未知的可能。

Questions to Ponder:

余思：  

What could you do for adventure (remember adventure comes from the word advent…to begin again)? How could you let go of a job, relationship, duty, or event? How would that alleviate some of the chaos in your life? What is stopping you from being your own pilgrim? It is said that a pilgrimage is a way to prove your faith in self and find answers to your deepest questions. You might begin by an exercise of praise, thanksgiving, and petition—something I do on my daily walk. What in your life deserves praise, what are you thankful for, and then what do you need and desire—those qualities, experiences, and situations that will make you whole?

怎样去冒险呢（请记住adventure这个词来自于advent…重新开始）？怎样对一份工作、一段感情、一份责任或一件事放手？你的放手会怎样减轻你生活中的混乱呢？是什么阻挡了你成为自己的朝圣者的脚步？据说一场朝圣之行可以帮助你证实对自我的信心、找寻内心深处问题的答案。你可以通过赞美或感恩他人、甚至请愿（这些我每天都有在做）开启你的朝圣之旅。在你的生活中，什么值得歌颂，什么值得感谢，又是什么让你成为了一个完整的人——那些你需要又渴望的品质、经历抑或情境？