徐水伟巴斯特招聘最新:你的性爱有“理“”吗

你的性爱有理吗？往下看

When you want to make love, why do you want to? The answer may seem obvious, but there are many reasons for wanting to have sex other than feeling sexual. 12 Ways To Feel Sexy Right Now

想要嘿咻，为什么呢？答案还不明摆着的么.不过，除了“性趣来了”之外，其实还有很多原因接下来就有12条常见原因：

Some of the reasons we might want to have sex:

想要嘿咻，因为：

Feeling insecure and wanting to feel loved or validated through sex

嘿咻一下，驱除内心不安，证明自己为人所爱

Hoping that by having sex the other person will like you or love you

嘿咻一下，希望你能更爱我

Having sex as a form of control over the other person's feelings for you

嘿咻一下，你的感觉尽在我的掌握

Feeling sexual desire and wanting another person to take care of it for you

嘿咻一下，跳蛋什么的死去吧~（就是想要了啦，找个人满足呗）

Hoping that having sex will release stress

嘿咻一下，压力死光光

Hoping that having sex will put you to sleep

嘿咻一下，一觉到天明

To have a sense of power and control over someone in general

 嘿咻一下，对方就跑不出自己的手掌心了~

To avoid facing feelings of loneliness and aloneness, or other painful feelings

嘿咻一下，让痛苦和孤独死去吧

To be held and get the affection that you want

嘿咻一下，只为寻找那份爱情

Feeling filled with love and wanting to express it physically to the person you love

嘿咻一下，让身体告诉你，我有多爱你

Other than the last reason, all the others are from a wounded part of you — your wounded self.

除了最后一条，其他理由都是从受伤的地方发出的心声——你受伤了

The wounded self in many people has learned touse sex addictively — to get love, avoid pain, and feel safe. This can create many problems in relationships and in society in general. A person acting from his or her wounded self who wants power and control may sexually abuse both children and adults. 

当受伤以后，人们会转向沉迷上瘾又不负责任的性爱：为了获得爱、避免伤害、感觉安全。然而这样造成的危害在感情关系和社会上的影响是灾难性的。一个曾经受过伤害的人通过性来达到控制欲和强大感的满足会让小孩和成年人都受到精神上的摧残。

A person in a relationship operating from the wounded self, who has learned to use sex as a form of validation, may be sexually demanding to the point that his or her partner feels used, controlled, and invaded. The partner at the other end of an insecure and sexually demanding partner often finds himself or herself completely turned off sexually in the relationship.

一个曾经受过伤害的人学会将性作为确保自己精神安全的手段，也许同样也会让自己的伴侣感觉到被利用、操作、侵犯和伤害。最终要么也会让对方感觉到内心的不安全感，要么让同样是追求性事的伴侣发现，彼此关系中除了性，所剩无几。

I have often worked with women who have sex with a man, not because she feels great desire, but in the hopes of getting him to love her and stay in the relationship. Invariably, this backfires and she ends up feeling betrayed. Yet, she has betrayed herself by using sex as a form of control.

我曾与一位姑娘共事，嘿咻对她来说不是享受，而是让他更爱她的一种手段。最后果不其然，这段关系以她感受到遭他背叛而告终。事实上，是她自己首先背叛了自己，将性作为控制爱人的工具。

Many people in relationships believe that the other person is responsible for his or her feelings, including taking care of sexual feelings. If you believe that it is your partner's duty to take care of your sexual needs, this can create a problem in relationships.

恋爱中的人们大多以为，对方应该为自己的感受买单，其中包括嘿咻时候让自己爽到位。如果你也觉得这已经是责任中的一部分的话，小心，你们的关系就要出问题了。

Sex that comes from duty rather than love is not satisfying. When one partner complies and performs his or her duty, the relationship may gradually erode to the point of falling apart. No one likes to feel used, especially sexually, so it is never advisable to have sex out of duty or to expect your partner to have sex out of duty. 

来源于责任的性爱是无法让人满足的。当一个人只是在履行他/她的床上职责时，整个关系就已经滑向崩溃的危险境地。没人喜欢自己被当作工具一样被利用的滋味，尤其是在性事上。所以千万别把性爱制度化和义务化，或者要求对方履行性爱责任。

Some people have a deep need to be held, a need for mothering. Sometimes people sexualize this need and have sex in an effort to meet this need. This never works, as the inner child needs mothering, not sex. In fact, the inner child may feel violated when the wounded self uses sex to gain affection.

有的人特别希望能像小孩一样被人温暖地守护，就像对母亲的需要一样。有时候人们把这种需求性爱化，通过性来满足它。可是这绝对不会有任何效果，因为内心深处那个脆弱的孩子需要的母亲一般的关怀和照顾，而不是性爱。实际上，那个小小的自己面对这种通过性来获得喜爱和认可的行为，只会觉得自己是被暴力侵犯。

Sex may temporarily take away feelings of stress, anxiety, loneliness and aloneness, but it is very temporary. Just as you will not feel loved if you use food, drugs, or alcohol to avoid responsibility for your feelings, neither will you feel loved when you use sex addictively.

性对于逃避压力、焦虑、孤独，的确会短时间起作用，但是作用都非常短暂，短暂到和用食物、大麻、酒精来逃避感觉没什么区别。同样的，当以为爱之名对性爱上瘾后，你也根本不可能体会到被人所爱的真正滋味。

Healthy sexuality comes from love and intimacy between two people. People who love each other do not want the other person to have sex when it is not what he or she wants to do. People who are taking responsibility for their own feelings have sex for the joy and pleasure of expressing their love for each other.

健康的性爱是相爱两方的亲密行为。而彼此相爱的人是不会让对方不愿意的时候还强行嘿咻的。为自己的感觉负责人的人才能够通过性爱来表达自己对对方的爱意，并从中获得快乐和满足。