妇产主任王晓东门诊:怎样在你们的浪漫曲中点燃精神的火花

怎样在你们的浪漫曲中点燃精神的火花

Posted in Balanced Relationship, Spirituality | July 16, 2011 | 3 Comments

在平衡的性爱关系上的宣告,精神性

Tweet   By guest author Angie Schuller Wyatt of Spiritual Wellness

鸣叫  由特约作者安吉,舒勤.精神健康的怀亚特供稿

Are you looking for a steamy romance that sets your life on fire? Maybe you’ve found the right partner, but it’s time to reignite that flame? We all want the kind of love that makes us feel vibrant, like we could conquer the world. Yet, what happens when the flame dies down to a soft kindle? What happens when life’s responsibilities and demands catch up with us? When the excitement of new love settles down, I hope you’ll balance your romance with a soulful and spiritual love that can pull you through every stage of life. 

    你是否在寻找一种色情而狂放的,使你的生活非常激动的浪漫故事?也许你已经找到合适的伴侣,但是这不是重新点燃火焰的时候吗?我们都想要这样一种爱,这种爱使我们充满生气,就像我们能征服世界一样.然而,当火苗到一个柔和的燃烧的时候会发生什么?当生活的责任和要求赶上了我们怎么办?当新爱的兴奋平息下来时,我希望你将用充满深情的精神上的爱平衡你的浪漫生活,精神上的爱能使你从人生的每个阶段恢复过来.

The time will come to ignite a spiritual spark in your romance. But, how will you know when it’s time? How will you get started? Here’s a few Spiritual Wellness guidelines to help:

    在你们的浪漫生活中点燃精神火花的时机将来到.但是,你怎么会知道什么时候是时机昵?你将怎样开始呢?这儿有一些精神健康指导方针可以提供帮助:

1. Spirituality is like Sex

    1.精神就像性一样

It shouldn’t be shared with just anyone. It’s also intim

ate and makes you emotionally vulnerable to your partner. 

    它不是同任何人都可以分享的.它是私人的,并且使你感情上对你的伴侣敏感.

I had a roommate who was elated about a first date with a guy she had just met. At the end of the date, he asked if they could pray together. She thought this was a sign that she had met the man of her dreams. As a spiritual person, she thought it was amazing to find a man who wanted to pray with her. She took his hand and closed her eyes while he prayed a generic prayer. Then, she skipped through the front door and excitedly dished all the details about her date … including the prayer.

    我有一个室友,她正因与她刚遇到的一个男孩的第一次约会而兴高采烈.在这个约会结束时,他请求他们能一直祈祷.她想这是她已遇到她的白马王子的一个信号.作为一个精神上的人,她想找到一个想同她一起祈祷的男人是一件令她惊喜的事情.当他做一个一般的祈祷时,她握着他的手并且闭上了她的眼睛.接着,她跳过前门,兴奋地说出了关于她的约会的所有细节,包括祈祷.

I immediately told her that this was not the guy for her! What kind of guy asks a girl to pray with him on a first date? Only a weirdo! The exception to this rule is the occasional and obligatory, pre-meal prayer tradition. In time, my roommate learned that I was right and she dumped the guy. 

    我立即告诉她这不是属于她的男人.什么样的男人会在第一次约会的时候就请一个女孩同他一直祈祷?只有一个古怪的人!这个规则的例外是不经常的和必须的,饭前祈祷传统.最后,我的室友知道我是正确的,并且甩掉了那个家伙.

When a couple practices spiritual exercises it builds an unseen connection – a spiritual connection. Group practices such as attending church or synagogue are completely appropriate with friends and boyfriends alike. However, don’t start to pray or meditate with you partner until you . . . 

    当一对夫妻进行精神上的锻炼时,它建立了一个未被看见的联系--一个精神上的联系.群体的实践,像参加教堂或犹太教堂是完全适合的,同朋友和同男朋友去也一样.但是不要同你的伴侣开始祈祷或者沉思直到...

2. Follow the Intimacy Chain

    2.经营亲密的锁链

The “Intimacy Chain” is a term I’ve coined to describe the patterns of intimacy that result in a healthy relationship: social intimacy, mental intimacy, emotional intimacy, physical intimacy, spiritual intimacy, and then sexual intimacy. 

    亲密的锁链是一个我造出来的形容亲密的榜样的字眼,它产生在一个健康的关系中:社会亲密,心理亲密,感情亲密,身体亲密,精神亲密,然后是性亲密.

If you follow the intimacy chain, your romantic relationship should evolve something like this: Have fun together. Exchange ideas. Open up about your hopes and dreams. Make-out. Talk about your spirituality. Have sex. Notice that sex is last. This is because a sexual experience is always a spiritual experience. Even when you intend for sex to be casual, it’s still spiritual. You can’t change this truth. It just is. 

    如果你经营这一亲密的锁链,你的浪漫的关系将演变成类似这样:一起过得快活,交换想法.打开你的希望和梦想.写出来,同你的精神交谈.进行性交.注意到性交是最后的一环.这是因为一个性交体验永远是一个精神上的体验,甚至当你为性交而准备是临时的,它依然是精神的.你不能改变这个事实,它就是这样.

When is the time to start a spiritual connection? The appropriate time is somewhere between making out and sex, assuming you first have a mental-emotional connection with the person.

    什么时候是开始一个精神上的联系的时机?适合的时机是在理解和性交的某处,假设你第一次同某一个人有一种心理和情绪上的联系.

3. A Spiritual Spark Begins with Interest.

    3.一个精神上的火化起源于兴趣

To start your spiritual connection . . . Talk. Talk. Talk. Then, talk some more. It’s important that your spiritual connection begin with an interest in each other. Before practicing any spiritual exercises with your partner, ask important questions that reveal his or her priorities and preferences. Ask questions like:

    开始你们精神上的联系,交谈.交谈,交谈.然后,谈更多.这时很重要的,也就是你们精神上的联系开始于彼此的一个兴趣.在同你的伴侣进行任何精神上的练习前,问一些重要的能够透露他或她的优先考虑事情和参数选择的问题.问这样的问题:

What religion do you practice? 

    你信仰什么宗教?

How do you prioritize spiritual growth? 

    你如何区分心灵上成长的次序?

What is your plan for maintaining your spirituality? 

    你有什么保持你的灵性的计划?

What spiritual practices do you enjoy? 

    你喜欢什么样的心灵上的实践?

What spiritual practices are you curious about, or would like to try? 

    什么样的心灵上的实践是你所好奇的,或者想去尝试的?

4. Honor Your Spiritual Self

    4.尊敬你心灵上的自己

Just because you can talk to your partner about spirituality doesn’t mean he’s the guy for you! This is a loud warning to the ladies! You must be true to your spiritual self. 

    仅仅因为你能对你的伴侣交谈精神这并不意味着他是你的人.这是一个对女士的大声的警告!你必须诚实地面对你心灵上的自己.

Once you’ve listened to your partner with an open heart and mind, you must assess whether you are truly spiritually compatible. This is a difficult decision to make if we’ve followed the “Intimacy Chain.” No one wants to say ‘goodbye’ to someone they connect with socially, mentally and emotionally. But, in time, your soul will no longer be able to hide the truth. If you’re looking for “the one” then you must be willing to honor your spiritual self. 

    一旦你听到你的伴侣具有一个开放的心思,你必须评估你们是否真正在精神上协调.这是一个困难的决定,如果我们已经接受了"亲密的锁链".没有人想和一个他们在社会上,精神上和感情上联结的一起的人说"再见"但是,最后,你的灵魂将不再能隐藏真相.如果你正在寻找这么一个人,你必须乐于尊重你的精神上的自己.

5. Spirituality is Like Dating

    5.精神喜欢约会

Let the man lead. When dating, it’s best for the man to take the lead. He should always plan the first date, and also set the pace for the second date. After a few dates, the woman reciprocates and shows interest by planning a few outings. Ladies must be patient, and men have to step-up. It’s a tradition that leads to a balanced, healthy relationship. Remember this principle when beginning to practice your spirituality. 

    让男人主导.当约会的时候,最好由男人主导.他应该总是计划第一次约会,并且总是为第二次约会设定地点.经过几次约会后,女人报答并通过计划一些远足表示兴趣.女士必须要耐心,男人必须加快速度.这是一个通向和谐的,健康的关系的惯例.当代开始去实践你的精神性的时候记住这些准则.

Ladies, you can take the lead on sparking the conversation. Just don’t take the lead when it comes to follow through. Instead, ask a question that probes the man to action. Ask something like: What is your plan for establishing a spiritual connection between us? Hint: He probably doesn’t have a plan. But, now you’ve planted a seed. Follow up with him later. Then, be patient. 

    女士,你能在引起话题方面起主导作用.只是不要在提到坚持时起主导作用.相反的,问一个问题探测男怎样行动.问像这样的问题:你有什么计划为了在我们之间建立一种心灵上的联系你有什么计划?建议:他可能没有这样一个计划.但是,现在你已经播下了一颗种子.下面,跟着他.然后,耐心点.

6. Men Need a Battle Plan

    6.男人需要一个奋斗计划

Men, you’re probably thinking: What’s the plan! First, assess the content of your previous conversations. What spiritual priorities do you share? What interests do you wish to explore? Then, think of ways that you can incorporate these into your dating relationship. Establishing a spiritual connection should start with simple building blocks. You can opt to have a more intense spiritual connection as the relationship grows, or you can keep things simple. Remember, a spiritual connection isn’t something you conquer. It’s something you enjoy. To get started:

    男人,你们可能在想:计划是什么?第一步,评估你以前谈话的内容.你享有什么样的精神上的优先权?什么样的兴趣你想去探索?接下来,思考你能把那些并入你的约会关系中的方法.建设一个精神上的联系开始于简单的房屋街区.当关系成长时,你可以挑选一个更加热切的精神关系,或者你可以保持事情简单.记住,一个精神上的联系不是你征服的东西,而是你喜欢的东西.去开始吧:

Volunteer together at a homeless shelter (social-spiritual), or Attend a religious gathering, and then talk about your experience (mental-spiritual) 

    提议一直在一个没有人的庇护所里(社会心灵的),或者参加一个宗教聚会,然后谈论你们的经历(精神心灵的)

Once you feel comfortable with social-spiritual and mental-spiritual exercises, go a little deeper by praying or meditating together. This builds intimacy, so be sure you’re ready to take the next step in the relationship. 

    一旦你在社会心灵和精神心灵上感到舒服,通过一起祈祷或者冥想进行一点深入.这创建亲密,这样无疑你将准备进行这一关系中的下一步.

7. Women Heat it Up!

    7.女人变热了!

Once a man has ignited a spiritual spark, it’s the ladies who heat it up! Woman are typically more spiritually tuned-in that men. We are intuitive, emotional and s piritually creative. So, ladies, don’t make your man carry the spiritual torch alone. Bring some spice to the table. Once he’s initiated prayer, it’s your turn. Take him to a meditation workshop, write a prayer list or practice hearing God. Don’t push him, just open a few doors. 

    一旦一个男人点燃了一个精神上的火花,女人就变热了!女人典型地更加在精神上调整那个男人.我们是有直觉的,有感情的,并且在精神上有创造力的.所以,女士们,不要让你的男人单独拿着精神的火把.加一些香料到桌子上.一旦他开始祈祷,就到你了.把他带进一个冥想工作间,写一个祈祷名单或者练习倾听上帝的声音.不要敦促他,只是打开一些门.

For your spiritual relationship to remain balanced, let it be sparked by the man, but fueled by both the man and woman. During difficult times, your spirituality will be challenged. Either partner should be prepared to step in and provide spiritual leadership to the relationship. If you build spirituality into your relationship at the proper time, you’ll develop a romance that can conquer any hurdle.

    为了你们精神上的关系保持平稳,让男人使之发出火星,但是男人和女人都要补充燃料.在困难的时候,你们的精神性将受到挑战.双方都应该准备介入并对二者之间的关系提供精神上的领导.如果你们在合适的时机把精神性建立到你们的关系中,你们将发展一个能够征服任何困难的浪漫故事.