怎样注册网易邮箱:想要快乐，学会放弃

想要快乐？学会放弃

I love hearing other people’s ideas for resolutions, Personal Commandments, Secrets of Adulthood, and the like. 

我爱听其他人有关决心、个人戒条，大人的心事及相关事情的想法。

A while back, when I ran into an old family friend, he said, “Let me tell you one of my personal secrets for happiness: Control your exit.”

前段时间，偶遇一位故友，他说到：“告诉你一个我自己的快乐秘籍：控制你的退路”

“‘Control your exit?’” I asked blankly. “What exactly does that mean?”

“控制你的退路？”我十分迷惑，那确切是什么意思呢？

“It means, always be able to leave when you want. Drive yourself to a party instead of getting a ride, so you can leave when you’re ready. Try to go to someone else’s house, or a public place, instead of having people over to your house, because there’s nothing worse than seeing someone lean back and cross their legs when you’re ready to go to bed. Or else have people over to your house before some event — before a dinner reservation or a movie — so you have to leave by a certain time.”

“这句话的意思是，想退出时随时可以退出。自驾车去派对而不搭便车，所以一切准备就绪就可以出发。试着去别人的住处或公共场合，而不是让别人拜访你家，因为当你准备睡觉时，没有什么比让人看到你仰卧或交叉双腿更糟糕的事情了。或是当你赴约或看电影前，有人拜访你，所以你不得不在一特定时间离开。”

This resolution struck me as a slightly anti-social resolution, but I could see the sense of it. My husband would certainly agree. If he can help it, he never goes to a party on a boat, or on a bus tour, or does anything to put himself in a situation that would prevent him from leaving whenever he wants. He feels trapped and unhappy if he knows he’s stuck.

这个解决办法令我十分震撼，有些轻微的反社会倾向，但是我能够理解其中的的含义。我丈夫也十分认同。如果他能够帮助它，他从来不会坐船或公交去派队或者投身做某事而阻断了他想做的事情。如果他感觉到困惑， 他会非常不开心并且感觉到受阻。

Relatedly, one of my favorite things about my husband is that he knows when to exit. When I’m at a party or any kind of function, I sort of forget that I can leave, and forget to think about when I should leave. If I’m by myself, I often end up staying too long, until I’m over-tired and irritable, but my husband always knows the right time to leave. My favorite example: at our own wedding! At a certain point, he said, “It’s time for us to go,” and he timed it exactly right.

与此相关的事是， 我最喜爱的有关我丈夫的事是他知道何出“退出”。当我在派对上时或任何一种场合，我忘记是否可以离开，  忘记什么时间应该离开。当我独自时，我经常会待很长时间，直到我精疲力尽，焦躁不安，而我丈夫知道何时离开最恰当。最佳例子：我们的订婚！在一个特定时刻，他说：“该是我们出发的时候了，”他能够给出确定的时间。

It occurs to me that “Control your exit” is advice that’s figuratively true, too. For me, a memorable piece of advice from Stephen Covey’s classic The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People is Begin with the end in mind. That is (if I remember correctly), know where you want to go. When you start or do something, maintain a vision of where you’re headed – especially important for people who are considering law school! Friends, don’t go unless you know where you want to end up!

我突然发现“懂得进退”是一个相当明智的建议。史蒂芬.凯威的经典之作《高效率人士的七个习惯》中有一个建议令我印象深刻。（如果我没记错的话）它说，每个人都要知道自己想去哪里。当你开始做些什么的时候，要明确你要去哪里，对于那些守法的人来说尤其重要。朋友们，当你知道你何时想要停止时， 那么便开始行动吧！

A Secret of Adulthood is that The opposite of a profound truth is also true. In some situations, not controlling your exit would lead to happiness. There’s a lot of happiness to be gained from spontaneity, impulsive adventures, and unpredictable undertakings. Even in those cases, however, it’s better mindfully to embrace this idea of uncertainty — to know that you’re deliberately choosing to give up control of your exit and to take the pathless path — rather than to have it take you unawares.

对于成年人来说，意义深远的真相背后隐藏着另一真相。在某此情况下，不控制你的退路，也会让你获得幸福。在那些突出性的、不可预知的冒险中， 也会体验到许多乐趣。虽然如此，但我们仍然要做好这些突发事件的准备，要知道选择放弃你的退路，意味着不能回头，而是要接受一切未知数。