the new earth是哪里的:女人一定要好好地骄傲，因为我们会卑微很久。

女人一定要好好地骄傲，因为我们会卑微很久。

                             ——《别拿男人不当动物》

事件回放

   四年前，一只北飞的候鸟，从24楼跃出窗口，地面被她的娇小躯体砸碎，鲜血喷薄出一个巨大的问号。

   不久前，上海一位临产10天的孕妇，带着肚子里马上就要降生的孩子，用吸入一氧化碳的方式结束了自己的生命，临死时，她挣扎着在本子上写下四个字：我好想你。

   近日，网上疯传肖姓女子自杀身亡。年轻美貌的她，在确认他和同事出去开房之后，她静静地结束了自己的生命。公布的万言遗书写满不解。

   如之前的两起自杀案一样，秉承死者为大的情节，网民一边倒地在怒骂和人肉负心男和小三，怒骂的背后反映了大家对此类事件的恐惧。因此我今天不想讨论负心汉是否该死的问题，我更想说的，是这类事件缘何发生，我们又应该如何调整心态，预防这类事件发生。

几段婚姻的共同隐患

   掉过头来，我们看一下数例自杀事件中，女方都明显处于一个社会地位不平衡的状态：

   北飞的候鸟女方是大学学历，男方是初中学历；

   烧炭孕妇是本科毕业，男方是中专毕业；

  肖姓女子的学历没有查证，但据自述：当年嫁给男方的时候，他只有一个月1000多的工资，而女方是一个工作稳定的上海白领。

   而在付出问题上：

  “男方读书期间生活费用和租房支出由女方承担，男方工作后，主要家用仍然由女方承担。”（北飞的候鸟）

  “10年前落差很大，男方苦追得手。女方业务能力强，年薪超过9万。”（烧炭孕妇）

  “当年我选择和他在一起的时候，他还只是一个被人呼来喝去什么都没有的小职员，他自己很清楚的知道他是我所有追求者当中收入最低的。”（肖姓女子）

  此外，从家庭支持度来看，她们三位的婚姻也布满荆棘：

  北飞的候鸟事件中，女方提出结婚，男方曾经表示过不同意，此外男方家长也不喜欢这个比儿子大了3岁多的儿媳妇。

  在后期，男方家长在双方并未离婚的情况下容纳第三者进驻家门，并称其为“可爱的小天使”，这是促使女方二度寻死的重要原因。

  后两位死者的家庭支持度我们没有直接的文字资料，但烧炭孕妇的婆婆曾经亲自打电话给女方，要求她对这段感情放手。在女方死后偷偷跑掉，据称还带走了家里一些金银细软。而肖姓女子的婆婆，也有打电话给女方，要她“管住男方的钱”，这个忠告被女方忽视了。很显然，这都未见得是被看好或者获得双方支持的婚姻。

实际上，根据可以找到的资料，基本上女方父母都是反对的，但由于坳不过女儿，后期他们都会默认两人的关系。

   毫不客气地说，这种落差关系，和超乎寻常的付出和低支持度，都是导致女方选择结束生命的重要原因。这类太极端的，备受反对，女方付出太多的恋情，会蒙受巨大的社会阻力。而社会阻力，表面上看起来无形，但实际上相当于堆积了大量的易燃物，生活中稍有摩擦，婚姻就可能被悔意点燃化为灰烬。

扭曲的本能

  我们古代其实有很多朴素的真理，比如说，所有的财富都是给长子，而不是长女，为什么？因为连古人都知道：财富对女性择偶并无裨益，只对男性择偶有帮助。女人提供的应该是繁衍的生理基础，男人提供的应该是资源等物质基础。女人不应该贴钱给男人，因为这个世界原本就不是这么设定的。

   而现代社会的规则扭曲了人的一些性格本能，很多女孩从小是被当做男孩来培养的，她们勇于付出金钱，乐于付出资源，但实际上，这种做法和人类进化史上大多数时候我们人类的行为模式相悖。这种超越正常值的付出会让女性的心里产生非常强大但又无法言说的苦闷，从而。这就好比电脑超频，初看起来的确没有什么不妥，甚至让人产生“原本就该这样”“女人能顶半边天”的错觉。但超频的电脑长期运转，就容易产生种种不好的后果，比如说过热，甚至是毁损。

   此外，我还曾亲历这么一件事，在某节目的录制现场，来了一个女孩，一直诉苦男友如何如何不好，自己是如何如何付出，现在想要他改变。

   我问：为什么你不改变自己，却试图改变他呢？

   女孩答：因为我好，他不好啊。

   我追问：那你这么好一个人，为什么要和那么不好的一个人呆在一起呢？

   这时候，让人意想不到的一幕发生了，女方自豪又带着一丝幽怨地抬起头，对我们说：“这就是我的伟大之处啊！”

   与此同时，我看到男主角轻蔑地撇了撇嘴。

   而在场下，我问男方为什么不结婚，男方当着女孩的面笑着说：我才25岁（女方28岁），结婚岂不是太亏了点？

   显而易见，女方自认在苦苦付出，而男方并不见得领情，很可能有朝一日反水，男方将会毫无愧疚之情。而女方很可能会因为自己的失败而走上不归路。

如何调节自己的情绪

   很多女人会说：为什么女人就这么命苦？什么风险都在女人这一边呢？奸夫淫妇不得好死。继而罗列各种社会中对于女性不利的因素，最后让自己陷入深深的绝望感情中。事实上，即使女方以死明志，男方也并不会受到太多的损害。比如北飞的候鸟事件中，男方现状是已经升官加薪；临产孕妇事件中，小金叔叔也并未遭到什么实质性的损害。更不要说那些被背叛之后没有选择寻死的悲苦女主角们。

   在遭遇背叛的问题上，我个人建议女孩子们要想开一些，女人的寿命比男人长，得各种退行性疾病的几率比男人小得多；暴死和蹲大牢的几率比男人小得多；只要放低要求，每个女人都很容易可以嫁出去，但男人却不一定都娶得到老婆；女人生的孩子一定是自己的，永远没有替别人养孩子的风险……如果打个不那么形象的比方，生为女人，相当于被选择了定期储蓄，风险很小；生为男人，相当于被选择了投机倒把，风险巨大但收益也巨大。故从生物的本能上而言，男人生性喜好冒险，出轨比女人多，这固然应该受到道德谴责，但这是一种动物本能，这是由生物的本性决定，而不是由个人的品行决定的。

   我们应该明白：取法乎上仅得乎中，我们虽然要对男人高要求，但却应该在心里为自己保留一分空间。当遭遇背叛来袭，我们不应该用惩罚自己甚至放弃生命的方式来惩罚对方。我们应该知道，这是作为女性，所常见的一种状态，就像癌症或者暴力相对于男士而言一样，即使我们并不期待，它也有着不请自来的几率。

   身为女性，要尽情享用女性在社会中的得益，尽力避免女性在社会中的短处。比如说什么得益呢？俗话说一家有女百家求，说的就是雌性具有选择权，因此在你最美好的时刻，在择偶期的你，应该尽情利用你的性别优势，选择则一个对你最有利的伴侣。不要在你最黄金的年华苦呵呵地去倒贴，对抗舆论并把这种行为称之为爱。

                             女人下嫁之前所需要想清楚的事

   女人下嫁，或者选择倒贴的特殊恋情，都很难得到你想要的结果，尤其是在人口流动性大，舆论范围宽松的当代社会，并不是所有的投资都可以得到回报。

   一个人之所以付出，只能是因为你想你欲你愿意，而不能因为他渴他望他需要。倘若你执意要付出，那就请享受自己的伟大，沉浸于自己的圣母情结，但勿要指望回报。圣母之所以是圣母，伟大之所以伟大，恰恰是因为她不需要回报。一手交钱一手交货的生意从来就没有什么好伟大的。倘若你对他100分付出，指望他的良心给你一个未来，那就属于放贷还收可观利息，得承担收不回来的风险。凡事想清楚了再行动，不要因为一时冲动把自己陷入一个高风险的境地。

   下嫁之或者倒贴前，女人一定要问自己这些问题：

1.  我是真的爱这个人的现在，而不是爱想象中那个未来吗？即使他一辈子维持现状，我也还会爱他么？

2.  周围父母亲友的反对，真的没有给我的心落下阴影吗？如果有一天不幸应验了他们的预言，我真的不会悔恨交加吗？

3.   若有朝一日他背叛我，不再爱我，我真的可以接受这样的结果而不怨恨他耽误自己青春吗？

4.   他如果日后富贵了，我不会因此而居功么？富贵了有其他女生爱上他，我不会认为女生是因为他有钱才爱上他么？

5.   他如果再选择其他人，我不会觉得自己当初瞎了眼，不会觉得当初陪他吃苦走过的日子是虚度的么？

6.   以前的追求者找到了更好的对象，自己老公却毫无起色，我会心里毫无怨言，尊重自己的选择么？

如果答案都不是异常肯定，那么，劝你不要下嫁。而是去寻觅一个“纵被无情弃，不能羞”的男人。

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The woman must take proud, because we will be low for a long time.

-" don't take a man not animals"

Events playback

Four years ago, a north of migratory birds fly, from 24 building out the window, the ground was her petite body smashed, blood out the night a great question.

Not long ago, Shanghai a 10 days of birth of pregnant women, with a belly immediately to the birth of the child, use of inhaled carbon monoxide way to end of his own life, when dying, she struggled in the book write down four words: I miss you so much.

Recently, the XiaoXing online crazy woman committed suicide.Beautiful young her, confirmed that he and his colleagues went out after open room, she quietly end of his own life.All the words by suicide write full don't understand.

If the case before two suicide, adhering to the plot of the dead for the big, Internet users to defy and people in one-sided male and three small meat occasion, defy behind all of the reflects the fear of such incidents.So today I want to discuss the problem of whether scorned han damn, I would like to say, why is this kind of event happens, we should adjust and how mentality, prevent this type of incident.

A few marriage common hidden trouble

Turning to, we see several examples to suicide incident, the woman are obviously in a social status unbalance state:

North of the migratory birds fly is a college degree, the man is junior high school degree;

The charcoal burner pregnant women is undergraduate course graduation, the man is graduated from technical secondary school;

XiaoXing women's education no verification, but according to complain: back to marry the man, he is only a month more than 1000 salary, and the woman is a stable work of Shanghai white-collar workers.

And in pay issue:

"The man during reading, the cost of living and rent by the woman, the man for spending after work, the main home by the bear still."(north of migratory birds fly)

"Ten years ago, the man after a bitter divide way. The business ability, earning more than $90000."(charcoal burner pregnant women)

"When I choose to be with him, he is only a is the cry to drink to nothing little staff, he is very clear that he is my all of the lowest income pursuers."(XiaoXing woman)

In addition, from the support for the family to see, their three marriage also be full of thorns:

North of migratory birds fly in the event, the woman's proposed marriage, the man once said that does not agree, in addition to the man parents don't like this is better than the son of more than 3 years old daughter-in-law.

In the later, the man in both parents did not divorce of third party hold in house, describing it as a "lovely little angel", it is to promote the woman entered for the important reasons.

Two dead after the family support degree we have no direct text material, but the charcoal burner of a pregnant woman to call her mother-in-law was personally, and asked her to this affection to let go.In the woman died secretly run away, allegedly took home some fine gold and silver.And XiaoXing woman's mother-in-law, also have to call her, to her "to hold the money", this advice is woman's neglected.Obviously, all this did not see is supposed to be for the marriage of both parties or support.

In fact, according to the material can be found, basically the parents are against, but because depression but daughter, later they will default to the association between two people.

Said rudely. this divide relationship, and the extraordinary low pay and support and the choice is the leading cause of the important reasons for the end of life.This kind of too extreme, the much against, the woman's pay too much love affair would impose huge social resistance.And social resistance, apparently it seems that intangible, but in fact is equivalent to a lot of fuel up, life slightly friction, marriage can be lit of regret to dust.

Distorted instinct

We actually have a lot of ancient simple truth, for example, all the wealth is to give the firstborn, not eldest daughter, why?For even the ancients all know: wealth on women and no good symmetry, only men have the help of symmetry.Women should provide the breed is physiological basis, men offer should be resources material base.Women should not TieQian to men, because the world was is not so set.

And the rules of modern society of the distorted some character instinct, many girls are as boy from to develop their money to pay, be willing to pay the resources, but in fact, this kind of practice and human evolution on most of the time we human behavior model personality.This beyond the normal pay makes women heart produces very strong but and untold anguish, thereby.This is like a computer for overclocking, at first, it looked really nothing wrong, even let a person produce "was is this so that" "women hold up half the sky" illusion.But the long run overclocking computer, it's easy to create a variety of bad consequences, such as overheating, even is damaged.

In addition, I had experience such a thing, in a program to record the scene to a girl, always complaining about how bad boyfriend, is about how to give, now want to change him.

I asked: why don't you change themselves, but try to change him?

The girl a: because I am good, he not good.

I cross-examine: that you so good a person, why and so bad a person to stay together?

By this time, let the unexpected thing happened, the proud and with a sense of sadness fell to raise head, say to us: "this is my great place!"

At the same time, I saw actor disdainfully they left the pie mouth.

And under the present, I ask the man why not get married, the man in the presence of the girl face say with smile: I only 25 years old (the woman 28), get married not too lost points?

Obviously, the woman's avowed in struggling to pay, and the man is not necessarily effusive, probably struck one day, the man will be no guilty of love.And the woman will likely because of his failure to struggle.

How to regulate your own moods

Many women will say: why women so bitter?No risk in women side?The adulterer prostitute shall not die.Then listed in various social for women unfavorable factor, finally got themselves into deep feelings of despair.In fact, even if the bit-level with death, the man will also not getting too much damage.Such as north of migratory birds fly in the event, the man the status quo is already promoted a raise;Pregnant women in labor events, little golden uncle did not what was substantial risk.Don't even say those who betrayed no choice after entered the leading lady bitterness.

In the face of betrayal problem, my personal advice the girls want to want to open some, women's life long than men, all kinds of degenerative disease rate than men much smaller;Sudden death and the prison squatted chance of much smaller than men;As long as low requirements, every woman can easily married, but men have not always get married wife;Female life children must have been, never raise the risk of children for others......If a not so the image, for example, for a woman born, equivalent to the chosen time savings, the risk is small;For the man born, equivalent to be choose the speculation, the risk is large but also great revenue.So from the biological instinct on speaking, man naturally be fond of adventure, more than a woman derailed, this is should receive moral condemnation, but this is a kind of animal instinct, this is the nature of the biological decisions, not by individual character of the decision.

We should understand: QuFaHuShang who only, although we to man high request, but should be in the heart to keep a points space.When encountered betrayal comes, we should not use punish yourself even give up life way to punish the other party.We should know, this is as a woman, have a common state, like cancer or violence in relative to the man, even if we do not expect, it also has not invited chance.

As women, to relax and enjoy the benefit of society women, try to avoid the shortcomings of women in society.For example for what?The common saying say a female hundred for help, and that is the females have options, so in you the best moment, symmetry in period of you, should just use your gender superiority, the choice is a partner's best for you.Don't you the most gold time bitter ha ha to DaoTie, against public opinion and the behavior called love.

                             Women need to want to clear before her

The woman her, or choose DaoTie special relationship, are hard to get the results you want, especially in the mobility is large, the range of contemporary society public opinion loose, and not all the investment can be rewarded.

A person's pay, can only because you think you want to you want, but can't because he thirsty he hope he needs.If you choose to pay, then please enjoy your great, engaged in his own virgin complex, but do not expect to return.The virgin is a virgin, great is great, only because she doesn't need to return.Gang get the cash business was never any good great.If you pay for his 100 points, expect his conscience to give you a future, you belong in the lending receive considerable interest, have to take the risk of the loans.All want to clear action again, don't because of impulsive put himself in a position of high risk.

The DaoTie or plainly before, the woman must ask yourself these questions:

1. I really love this man now, not love to imagine in the future?Even if his life maintain the status quo, and I will still love him?

2. Parents relatives and friends around the opposition, really didn't give my heart shadow falls?If one day unfortunately they prophecy fulfilled, I really wouldn't sackcloth?

3. If one day he rebelled against me, no longer love me, I really can accept the result and not complain he delay their youthful?

4. He if future riches and honour, and I will not therefore a strong?The other girls and fell in love with him, I don't think girls because he only rich in love with him?

5. If he choose any others, I won't feel he had become blind, not think with him was suffering through the day is wasted?

6. The previous suitors find a better object, her husband did not recover, I'll mind without complaining, respect your choice?

If the answer is not abnormal affirmation, so, advise you not to her.But to seek a "vertical be ruthless, can't have shame" man.

About this Po:

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