成都市7436厂棚户改造:安慰伤心朋友的八大方法

安慰伤心朋友的八大方法

When a friend is grieving the loss of a loved one, it’s easy to feel helpless. Sometimes we think we’re doing the right thing by trying to cheer them up, pointing out the positives or letting them know that they should try to move on. Well-intentioned as we may be, those efforts tend to put pressure on them and leave them feeling invalidated. 

一个正在为失去心爱的人而伤心的人，是很容易感到无助的。有时候，我们以为试着安慰他们，指出他们这样下去的危害，或让鼓励他们试着好起来是很正确行为。我们也许出于善意，但这些所作所为往往会给他们更多的压力，也起不到任何效果。

So here are eight ways to help you support your friend in times of need.

因此，这里有八种方法来帮助您在需要的时候安慰你的朋友。

1.    Let go of time expectations. The person grieving may struggle for longer than expected. If this happens, regardless of how frustrating or frightening it may be for you, let them grieve for however long they need, knowing you won’t judge them for it. 

1.增加预期的悲伤期。悲伤的人可能比想像中需要更长的缓解时间。如果发生这种情况，因为你无法去体会，所以无论在你看来是多么的折腾或者恐怖，一定要无视朋友的这些行为，并且给予他们充分的时间去尽情悲伤。

2.    Recognize the stages of grief. Most people suffering a loss will go through these tages, often in no particular order and sometimes repeating stages: denial, bargaining, anger, depression and acceptance. Each one is healthy and necessary. The more familiar you are with these stages, the better equipped you’ll be to support your friend. 

2.认准悲痛阶段。大多数人伤心难过时都会经历拒绝帮助，怨声载道，愤怒，抑郁和清醒明白等阶段，但这些阶段往往没有特定的顺序，有时还会重复。每一个阶段都是正常且必要的。你越是熟悉这些阶段，就越能有更好的准备去安慰你的朋友。

3.    Variables to grief. One person’s grief is never the same as another’s. Variables include the cause and length of death, the personal resiliency of the grieving person, what their previous experiences have been, how large their support network is and their relationship to the person lost. Be understanding of how this can change their experience of grief from your own or someone else you have known. 

3.悲伤的变量。每个人的悲伤都不相同。这些变量包括死因和死亡的长度，伤心人个人的伤心程度，以往的经历，支持的力量以及和他们失去的那个人的关系的紧密程度。要弄清楚你自己或者你认识的其他人这样做可以减少多少他们的悲痛的程度。

4.    Resist telling them how strong they are. We are often inclined to praise the person who appears to be coping stoically with a loss. The problem is that we need to allow them to be human and vulnerable sometimes too. After all, there’s strength in letting out your emotions from time to time. 

4.坚持告诉他们他们是多么勇敢。我们往往会去激励伤心难过的人。问题是，有时我们需要让他们拥有人的本能，显示出脆弱的一面。毕竟，你也需要不时的放松自己情绪。

5.    Offer the bereaved ways to memorialize. Funerals and memorial services work to give support and closure to the bereaved. We can also memorialize in other ways, like planting trees, writing letters or having remembrance gatherings. 

5.纪念失去亲人的方式。葬礼和追悼会给家属以抚慰和对死者的回忆。我们也可以在其他方面，如植树，写信或举行纪念会等方式纪念。

6.    Ask them what they need. It’s normal to feel you can guess what your friend needs based on what you might need in their position. Because we’re all different, it is best to ask them what it is that you can do for them. If they say “I don’t know” or “nothing,” resist the desire to walk away in your frustration or worry. Just offer your support in whatever way you can and let them know that you will be there when they think of something. 

6.问问他们，需要什么。站在朋友的立场上，很容易就能猜到朋友需要什么。因为我们都不同，因此，最好问他们你能为他们做些什么。如果他们说：“我不知道”或“没有”，你一定要表达自己沮丧或忧虑的心情。自己能帮助多少就帮助多少，并且要让他们知道他们需要帮助的时候，你一定会尽自己所能。

7.    Continue to check in on them. At the time of a funeral, many people offer help and support to the grieving person. As the weeks and months pass everyone’s lives move forward and they generally forget to follow up on their offerings of help and support. Be the person who follows up. You don’t have to give all of your energy, but your caring will be appreciated and will provide untold comfort. 

7.继续给予帮助。葬礼上，很多人会帮助和安慰那些悲痛的人。事后几周或者几个月，随着时间的推移，人们通常会忘记继续给予悲痛的人帮助和安慰。要做一个继续关怀他们的人。你不必全力以赴，但您的关怀将会让他们感到异常的欣慰，舒心。

8.    Recommend help. There is only so much that a friend or family member can offer to someone who is grieving without putting too much strain on themselves. Gently suggest seeking therapeutic help to give them a special place to cope with their loss. 

8.介绍帮助方法。不把自己太多的压力，悲伤施加给悲痛者，朋友或家人可以做到的只有这么多。谨慎的给他们建议，为他们寻找一个特殊的地方让他们来应对悲伤。

Finally, keep in mind that loss is not just felt through death. It can be the loss of a job, a divorce, the loss of an ideal or expectation and so much more. Loss is a difficult thing to work through and your role as a supporter is both unique and vital.

最后，请记住，悲伤不只是体验死亡的感觉。也可以是失去工作，离婚，美梦破灭的伤痛等等。悲痛是一件很难挺过去的事，因此作为一个支持者你是独一无二且重要的。