艾灸关元一个月感受:怎样建好人际关系网？

来源How To Work A Room
译者TheZEN

On a couple of occasions lately, I found myself in places where I felt I had to do some serious networking. One was my 30th college reunion, the other a meeting of the Clinton Global Initiative. Though I'm not a shy person, I felt stymied. I had trouble starting conversations, and then, once I did, figuring out how long to linger before moving on. If only I knew how to work a room.

最近在很多场合，我发现我必要在人际关系上认真地做一些功课。其中一个场合就是我毕业三十周年的团聚会，另一个是克林顿全球行动计划的会议。我并不是一个内向的人，但是却在人际交往中感觉到了障碍。我不知道怎么开始与别人交谈，并且，不知道在深入谈论之前要等多久。只有当我了解了怎样建好人际关系网之后，这个问题可能才会得到解决。

In hopes of doing a better job next time, I've interviewed four professionals who have focused on the subject. One of them, Ali Binazir, a hypnotherapist and life coach in Santa Monica, Calif., has put together an eight-step plan. A Harvard graduate with a medical degree from University of California at San Diego, Binazir has worked as a McKinsey & Co. consultant to biotech and pharmacological companies and has spent time studying Eastern philosophy. He's also the author of The Tao of Dating: The Smart Woman's Guide to Being Absolutely Irresistible.

为了在以后的场合中表现的更好一点，我采访了四位这方面的专家。其中之一就是阿里.比纳泽，他是加州圣莫尼卡市的一名催眠治疗师和人生规划师，他提出了一个包含八个步骤的计划。比纳泽毕业于哈佛大学，并获得了加州大学圣地亚哥分校的生理学学位。他目前就职于麦肯锡公司，为生物科技和药理公司提供咨询服务，另外还在研究东方哲学。他还是《约会之道：成为焦点女人手册》一书的作者。

I find some of Binazir's advice a little off the wall--he recommends walking up to potted plants and introducing yourself--but I figured that perhaps if I could put his steps into practice, I'd improve my networking skills.

虽然我认为比纳泽的某些建议有一点异于寻常，比如他建议走到盆栽植物面前介绍自己，但是我还是觉得如果把他的建议付诸实践的话，也许能够提高我的人际交往技巧。

One of his suggestions seems easy to follow and especially useful: Arrive early. That way, you take on what he calls "host physiology." If you're one of the first in the room, you can adopt the mindset of someone who is there to meet and greet, as opposed to walking into a room of 200 people who are already talking to one another.

他有一条建议非常简单并且也极其有用：早到。这样的话，你就会拥有他所说的“主人气场”。如果第一个进入房间里面的话，你会想好该见谁和与谁打招呼，而不是姗姗来迟发现房间里面的200个人已经在交谈了。

Binazir also recommends that you wear something that can make for a conversation starter, such as an unusual brooch or lapel pin. His own signature: a jaunty white hat. And he suggests you always be prepared with some conversation starters drawn from news headlines, like, right now, Mark Hurd's resignation as Hewlett-Packard's ( HPQ - news - people ) chief executive. He exhorts you to get into what he calls "a powerful state" before walking into an event, by engaging in five minutes of meditation or closing your eyes and taking 10 deep breaths.

比纳泽也建议你穿戴一些可以作为谈资的特别的东西，比如一个非同寻常的胸针。他自己的特色就是一顶漂亮的白色帽子。同时他还建议你事先准备一些有关头版新闻的谈资，比如现在的HP总裁马克.赫德的辞职事件。他还劝你在谈论某件新闻之前，要进入他所说的"有利状态"，这个可以通过5分钟的沉思或者闭眼进行十分钟的深呼吸来做到。

Next, one of his oddest suggestions: Make friends with your environment. Go up to an object in the room, like a plant or an armchair, and introduce yourself. "It creates a shift in your mind, and the whole environment goes from feeling foreign or hostile and becomes yours," he says. He also recommends positioning yourself so that you're framed by a doorway, in order to look more inviting to others

接下来的这条建议比较怪异：和你的环境中交朋友。在房间中找出一件东西，比如一颗植物或者一把扶手椅，然后把自己介绍给它们。“这会给你的思维一个移位，会让你觉得整个环境不再陌生或者对含有敌意，然后你就自然融入其中了，”他说。他也建议你找好自己的位置，这样你就会有一个固定的形象，然后会有更多的人来邀请你交谈。

Warm up by using your prepared conversation starters with the next person you see. Binazir likes to begin on the periphery of a crowd and work his way in. You can also stand by the bar, or, if you're female, near the rest room, where there's often a line. He also likes what he calls a "two-hit technique," where he starts a conversation, excuses himself, and then returns later to the same person. "If you see someone multiple times you feel as if you know them," he explains.

用准备好的谈资和你见到的下一个人进行谈话。比纳泽喜欢先站在一群人的外面，然后再使用他的方法与他人交谈。你也可以站在吧台旁边，或者如果是女士的话，可以站在洗手间旁边，这些地方通常有很多人。他也喜欢用他所说的“两面夹攻的方法”，首先他先开始一段谈话，然后离开，再然后回来和之前的那个人继续交谈。“如果多次看到某个人，你会觉得认识他们的，”他解释说。

To establish rapport, mirror the other person in word and gesture. He also recommends what he calls the "million-dollar handshake." Imagine that the next person you'll meet is your best friend from elementary school, whom you haven't seen in decades. Shake the person's hand as though he were that person. Cover both hands with your free hand, and count off three seconds before releasing.

Another unusual technique: Tell a dramatic story about yourself or demonstrate some sort of trick. Binazir says he sometimes hypnotizes people in a group setting.

另一个不寻常的方法是：讲一个和你个人的离奇经历或者做些恶作剧。比纳泽说他有时候会给一群人进行催眠。

Don't wait until the end of a conversation to exchange contact information, he advises. He carries a digital camera to events and snaps pictures of people he wants to remember. When he follows up with an e-mail, he attaches photos.

他建议，不要等到谈话结束的时候才交换联系方式。他会带一个照相机，把想记住的人拍下来。当记下电子邮箱地址的时候，他会附下相应的照片。

It's tough for me to swallow all of Binazir's ideas. I've never meditated, I'm not interested in conversing with a piece of furniture, and I don't know any party tricks. I find it enough work to strike up an engaging conversation without trying to calculate the moment to snap a photograph. Besides, I'd feel embarrassed doing so.

记住比纳泽的方法对我来说是一项艰巨的任务。我从来没有想过，我不喜欢谈论一件家具，也不了解任何交际技巧。我觉得在不去计算拍照片时机的情况下，进行一次和谐的交谈有许多工作要做。除此之外，我并不喜欢这么做。

Other networking professionals I interviewed disagree with several of Binazir's tactics. Don Crowther, an online marketing consultant at 101PublicRelatoins.com, says you should wait until a conversation's close before exchanging contact information. Marcie Schorr Hirsch, a career coach and consultant with Hirsch/Hills Consulting, says it's unrealistic to be so strategic about working a room. "Networking is a non-linear function," she insists.

我采访的其它几位人际关系专家并不完全赞同比纳泽的说法。唐.克洛泽说，你应该等到谈话结束后再交换联系方式，他是101PublicRelations.com的在线市场顾问。马赛.施尔.赫希说，如此有策略的进行人际交往很不实际，她是赫希/赫尔斯咨询公司的职业规划教练和咨询师。“人际交往不是一个简单的行为”，她认为。

Nicholas Boothman, the author of How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less, says it's better to start in the middle of a room rather than skimming the periphery. But Boothman also maintains that working a room is a fallacy anyway. "It's nonsense," he says. "People who work a room are off-putting to other people." At large social or business events, your goal should be to make connections with two or three people, he says. "That can be much more valuable than flitting around like a social butterfly."

尼古拉斯.布斯曼说，最好从人群中间开始进行交谈而不是在边缘位置，他是《怎样在90秒内成为众人焦点》一书的作者。但是布斯曼也认为把人际交往限定在一个房间里面是不太明智的。“这没有意义，”他说。“在房间里面进行和所有人交谈，对于还未沟通的人来说并不愉快。”他说，在重大的社会或商业活动中，你的目标是和两到三个人建立联系。“这比成为到处瞎逛的交际花更有价值。”

In that case, maybe I'm not so bad at this networking thing after all.