鹿鼎记1之皇城争霸:绝不要拿以下四件事跟男子开玩笑

For most guys, a kick-ass sense of humor in a woman ranks right up there with a nice rack. And though we pride ourselves on being able to take ribbing as well as we dish it out, some material is just no laughing matter to us. Consider the following subjects unsuitable comic fodder.

对多数男性来说，强大的幽默感会让你在女性群体中排名在前列。尽管我们为能够接受幽默和表现幽默而骄傲，一些材料对我们来说就一点都不可笑。下面的话题就不是合适的幽默素材。

His Future Hair Loss

1、他将来会脱发

With the exception of Hollywood types like Vin Diesel, most guys with shiny chrome domes are not deemed the sexiest man alive. That's why many guys stress about potential future loss. And if there's even a hint of thinning, it's certain to be a really sore subject. "I once had a date joke that I better grab a hat because it was chilly outside and she didn't want my scalp to catch a cold," says Rich*, 30. "Look I know my lid is starting to look a little lean, but I don't need a woman reminding me…even if it's in jest."

除了像冯·迪索那样的好莱坞类型，多数带着闪亮铬金色脑袋的男性并不被认为是最性感的男人。这也是许多男人对未来脱发很不安的原因。如果即使有变薄的迹象，也一定会成人令人难堪的话题。这确实是个非常让人尴尬的话题。30岁的Rich说：曾经我赴一个约会，我真想带个帽子，因为外面很寒冷，而且她也不想我的头冻着。注意我知道那时我头发已经有点稀少了，但我却不需要一个女人提醒我…即便是在家里面。

His Paltry Payback

2、他微薄的收入

Yes, it's a little Stone Age, but we men consider it our manly obligation to bring home the bacon. When our salary doesn't stack up, we feel totally emasculated. It's like we measure our worth in a relationship to our wallet (or at least we think you do). So you can see why kidding around about your sugar-mama status isn't exactly our idea of stand-up. "I know it's wrong, but I'm embarrassed that my girlfriend outearns me," admits Andrew, 28. "She once made a quip about letting me stay home Mr.Mom -style while she supported us, and I lost it. We've since come to an understanding that until I hit the lottery or open my own restaurant, money is something that can't be taken lightly." Bottom line: It's not that we don't appreciate your alpha-female status. We just don't want to be your beta boy toy.

是的，现在不是石器时代，但我们男人还是认为挣面包依然是自己的义务和责任。当我们的薪水不足以累积起来的时候，我们已经完全没有了气势。就好像我们用钱包来衡量自己的价值（或者至少我们认为你们是这样做的）。所以你要明白为何开你情人的玩笑并非我们要直起腰板来的想法。28岁的安得鲁说:我知道这样不对，但如果我的女友比我挣的多我会感到困窘。她曾经嘲弄的让我待在家里做家庭主爸，而她养活我们，这让我十分迷惑。我们达成了一致的理解，除非我中以彩票或自己开了旅馆，金钱是绝对不能轻视的问题。底线是：并不是我们不感激你的女性的地位，我们只是不想成为你的男宝宝。

His Mom

3、他的母亲

It's a rule that dates back to the playgroud: Once you start dissing a boy's mother, things are going to get ugly. Sure, he's allowed to goof on her Hawaiian muumuus, burned Bundt cake, and obsession with Richard Simmons, but when you chime in, it's a different story. "I love my mom to death. She's a total character," says Josh, 30. "I bust on her nonstop, and she gives it right back to me. But if my girlfriend added her two cents, I'd find it totally disrespectful." Bonus tip: Sisters are untouchable too.

这是可以追溯到很久的游戏规则：一旦你开始对男孩的母亲不敬的话，事情将会变得令人厌恶。当然，你可以取笑他的夏威夷穆穆袍，烧焦的一盘蛋糕以及对理查德·西花蒙斯的迷恋，但是当你插话进来的时候，故事就不一样了。30岁的乔希说：我深深爱着我妈妈，她完全是个人物。我批评她过而不访，她说我也是这样子的。但如果我的女友竟然对我母亲有意见的话，我会认为她一点也不尊重我母亲。奖励一条妙招：姐妹也是不可批评的。

His Member

4、他的'弟弟'

In a nutshell, keep Johnson jokes to yourself—especially if you ever want his penis to come out to play again. Our "boys" are serious business. There's nothing comedic about commentary on any of the following: size (or more accurately, lack thereof), shape, and color. Just ask Bill, 26: "I'm sensitive about the fact that my package is a shade darker than the rest of my flesh. I was once with a girl who took one look, giggled, and named him the Dark Horse. It made me so self-conscious that I couldn't perform." Your best bet? Stay mute about his member…unless you feel compelled to characterize it as monstrous.

简而言之，保守约翰逊的秘密——特别是你希望他再次把‘弟弟’拿出玩。我们的兄弟是相当严肃的问题。下面的说明没有任何是喜剧性的：尺寸（或者更准确的说，缺少），开关和肤色。比如26岁的贝尔说：我对自己卵包的肤色比其他地方皮肤更深非常敏感。曾经我让一个女生看过一次，她笑着，并说它是黑马。这让我自认为它是不行的。你最好的选择？对他的‘弟弟’保持沉默…除非你感觉被迫也要把它描绘成巨大的。