北京养生堂制药厂电话:英语搞笑剧本

英语搞笑剧本-唐伯虎点秋香
作者：咖啡吧剧…    文章来源：本站原创    点击数： 428    更新时间：2011-7-31
Flirting Scholar
（唐伯虎点秋香）
Cast
唐伯虎··········
祝枝山··········
文征明··········
周文斌··········
秋  香··········
石  榴··········
夏  香··········
春  香··········
冬  香··········
如  花··········
惨  人··········
华夫人··········
夺命书生··········
仆人甲··········
仆人水··········
假死人··········
华  文··········
一女子··········
围观者（数名）··········
丑婢女（数名）··········
假新娘（数名）··········
仆人（数名）··········
结束舞（全体）··········
Act 1
地点：The backyard of Tang’s house
人物：唐伯虎，祝枝山，仆人甲，仆人水
道具：文房四宝，鸡翅，2穿翅杈， 3桌子，1凳子，背景音乐
旁白：唐伯虎，于明宪宗成化六年庚寅年寅月寅日寅时出世，故名唐寅，又因属虎，故又名唐伯虎。唐寅聪明绝顶，诗画双杰，位居江南四大才子之首，为当时男女老少所崇拜的偶像。
（唐伯虎手执毛笔，用酱油刷鸡翅膀）
仆人甲： Master, isn't one dish of soy enough?
唐伯虎： Slowly, please.
仆人甲： Many people come for your paintings, why don't you bother?
唐： I have no mood to draw. Give them two more baskets of rubbish, that's it.
仆人甲：Yes.
（出门时在门中碰见祝枝山）
Mr. Zhu.
祝枝山：Ah, Brother Tong.
唐伯虎：Hey, Brother Zhu.
祝：Help, Brother Tong.
唐：l think you must have lost all you money again.
祝：You understand me so well.
唐：Among the 'Four Scholars', everyone knows you love gambling.
Having no money, to live comfortably', it is your motto, right?
祝：You are flattering me! You're born to be a free-liver. In fact, you are much more luckier than me.
唐： But... you lose so much money per every two days, and you come to seek help from me after losing money, l don't think l can help you forever.
祝： Sure!  Because of that, l tried to risk for the last time.
But l lost the money which l could earn till my death.
That's 300,000 taels.
So, l have to beg you to draw 30 paintings...in order to save my life.
唐： l see, I see.
Shui, go out first.
仆人水： Yes, master.
唐： Damn you, don't you think l owe you that? You need 30 paintings?
No way!
祝： Please! lt's my fault,l am now begging you to forgive me.
Also, l always help you to sell your paintings which make you get rich!
Some loan-sharks are waiting for me outside,
They want me to get 30 paintings of yours within one hour.
Otherwise, they'll kill me!
Will you help me or not?
唐： One hour? Well, since you are my brother,
l will write your lament for your funeral.
Say, 'A bastard' or 'A scumbag', which one do you like?
Choose between these two.
祝： Pak Fu, don't be that mean to me.
l swear if l gamble again, let me marry with the worst woman, ls it OK?
唐： You made such worst oath!
OK, l will save you for the last time.
Man, give me the stationery.
祝： You are such a heroic friend, so righteous!
（唐伯虎作画）
祝： Wow! It is pretty good!
Act 2
地点：A river side, on the street
人物：江南四大才子，如花，一女子，围观者，四香，石榴，华夫人，丑婢女
道具：4扇子，丝巾，伞，小刀，2凳子，背景音乐
旁白：第二幕，江南四大才子结伴出游，众女子兴奋观看。
一女子：Look, the 'Four Scholars' are over there.
（四大才子摆pose，众女子倾倒）
一女子：Go and have a look,
祝枝山：We come here for a tour.
That’s why the girls are that crazy.
文征明：Pals, why not has a poem competition?
祝：Very good idea!
Why don't you start first? Brother Wen bin.
周文斌：l am the best in this field.
'There are many geese under the mountain.'
文征明：'They rushed down to the river.'
祝：'Let's roast a goose.'
唐：'After roasting, you'd better go home for a screw.'
三人：Good, very good. Very good!
（三人笑，唐伯虎逛笑）
祝：There is something attractive.
See, there is a beauty on the bridge. She seems to be lonely.
Why not show us your talent about how to court a girl.
To let us learn from you!
唐：Well...
周文斌：lt's the welfare for your friends, so?
唐：l am glad to demonstrate it.
三人：Go.
唐：Miss.
如花：What's the matter? （一回头，竟是如花！）
三人：Go, go...
唐：May l put my head on your shoulder?
如花：ls it OK? No, l am a girl, a decent girl.
唐：l know, l want to make my    friends happy, that's all.
ln fact, l am Tong Pak-Fu.
如花：So what?l don't know you.
l will shout for help if you don't leave me alone.
唐：How about paying you 1 tael?
如花：1 tael? Who do you think l a.m.?
Make it ten.
唐：That's too expensive, why don't you rob?
如花：Right, l am robber.
Give me all your money.
（两人乱打，最后如花被唐伯虎打落河中）
三人：What's wrong? （赶到桥上）What’s the matter?
文征明：No need to punch her like that?
唐：Robber! lt's a ladyboy!
三人：Ladyboy?
祝：l love it. Hold it. （祝枝山将折扇递给文斌，跳入河中）
文征明：Damn it. He is being the first to!
（华夫人带众人去拜神）
春香：Look, so many people!
夏香：Yes, it's crowded.
华夫人：Chun-xiang, Xia-xiang, shut up,
四大才子：Heave yourselves.
What's going on?
某人：Madam Hua and her 4 pretty maids have come for worshipping.
周文斌：The maids are all pretty, especially Qiu-xiang.
唐：Who is she? Who is Qiu-xiang?
文斌,征明：Look! That way.
三人：Qiu-xiang.
（秋香回首一笑）
唐：Damn, she is not pretty at all.
周文斌：You know, pretty woman is like flowers.
You'll be all eyes for its beauty if some leaves are around.
Look once more.
三人：Pretty woman!
（一整排回首，旁人皆成丑女衬托）
唐：Woo, she is really pretty!
Let's go in the temple together.
To look for fun!
Act 3
地点：West Gate of Hua’s house
人物：唐伯虎，秋香，石榴，惨人，假死人
道具：“旺财”，1手帕，“小强”，2卖身牌，1棍子，4凳子，银两
旁白：第三幕，华府西门口。唐伯虎为追秋香，化装成贫民意图混进华府。
唐：You can't move no matter what happens! OK?
假死人：Take it easy! Leave It to Me
（假死人躺在车上装死）
唐：Cheap man! A brand new cheap man for sale.
Come and have a look! I’m so poor!
（石榴和秋香出门）
石榴：Are you selling yourself to bury your dad?
But it's not lucky to see a dead body early in the morning.
唐：l don't want, too.
Why don't you be merciful ['m?:siful]仁慈的；慈悲的；宽容的
buy me please.
石榴：What a pity （怜悯同情遗憾）? We need a workman indeed, why not...
（这时又来了一个人，推着木车，车上躺着六个死人，这人还口吐血，极其悲惨）
惨人：l am poor, l want to sell myself to bury my whole family!
唐：Kidding?!
惨人：Be merciful, my family died last night.
l am sick withtuberculosis [tju:,b?:kju'l?usis] 肺结核；结核病too, why not buy me? May be, I’ll cut half price!
秋香：He is miserable ['miz?r?bl]悲惨的；痛苦的；卑鄙的; why not buy him to be our workman?
石榴：（哭）So, buy him.
唐：Lady, first come first serve, l come first.
秋香：lt's not a matter of priority [prai'?r?ti]优先；优先权；优先次序；优先考虑的事.
石榴：Leave It to me. He has to bury his whole family and you have to bury your dad only.
l do want to help you, but it's difficult for me to buy two.
唐：But, l am miserable too.
石榴：Then show me how miserable you are.
唐：Well, l...
See how dirty are my fingernails?
lt's miserable, right?
（惨人的小狗突然死去）
惨人：（痛哭）Wong Cai, don't die! Don't die.
You have followed me for a long time, you're so good to me.
But l have never given yousufficient [s?'fiS?nt] 足够的；充分的 food.
l am damn [dæm]可恶的 sorry.
唐：（唐伯虎看见一只蟑螂，喊“小心啊！”，石榴姐一退，将蟑螂踩死了。）
Watch out!
（悲痛欲绝）Xiao qiang, how are you?
Don't die, Xiao qiang, don't die.
We have suffered for such a long time,
l treated you as my relative.
How can you leave me like this…
石榴：Sister Qiu-xiang, they are both miserable, what'll we do?
秋香：Let's wait and see.
惨人：（走到唐伯虎跟前，两人对峙）
Damn! Brother! Wait.
Look at you, you look rich. Why not go home and make a poor look first? Look at me, l am thin, and see the abscess ['æbsis]脓肿；脓疮On my hands!
l am really miserable than you.
唐：Pal, don't challenge ['t?ælind?]向…挑战 me. l hate to be challenged.
惨人：So what?
唐：Are you pushing me?
惨人：l am miserable than you, so what?
唐：Damn! Go to hell（）去死啦! （唐伯虎拿起一根木棒将自己的胳膊打断）
唐：See, my whole hand is broken.
Who is miserable now?
惨人：Don't go too far!
唐：lt's show-hand, so what?
惨人：l'll play with you.
OK, l will show-hand too.（拿起棍子砸自己的头，血流如注）
Are you playing tricks with me?
l don't want my life either, let's see how you can compete with me.
Who is miserable? （说完，倒地身亡）
唐：Bravo [,brɑ:'v?u,]喝彩，好极了! You are really great. See you next time!
石榴：Hey, he is dead, l can buy you now.
唐：Really?
石榴：Yes.
唐：5taels [teil] 两；银more please.
石榴：How can you raise your price suddenly?
唐：l want to bury him, too.
石榴：What a good heart you have! Let's buy him. （拿出银子）
秋香：Come early tomorrow morning.
唐：Thank you, Miss Qiu-xiang.
（秋香进门时对唐伯虎一笑）
唐：Such a tempting ['tempti?]吸引人的；诱惑人的smile!Mom, l have got it.
Act 4
地点：The backyard of Hua’s house
人物：唐伯虎，四香
道具：1诗集， 1扇子， 2凳子，1桌子
旁白：三香在放风筝，唯独秋香在看唐伯虎诗集。
冬香：Higher! Make it higher! lt's funny...
夏香：Look, it’s high, it’s so high.
春香：Qiu xiang, come here, let’s play together!
秋香：You play it!
（手拿诗集，继续看）
（唐伯虎在旁边作偷看状）
唐：Qiuxian
秋香：Hua an, why you are here?
唐：Qiuxiang is as beautiful as flower，so many girls are cling to him.
I (Hua an) want to appreciate Qiuxiang’s appearance.
秋香：Boring! Why are there so many nonsense rubbishes in this world?
l wonder, is Tong Pak-Fu the only ideal man in this world！
Only a romantic man...can write such romantic poem!
'The temple is located inside the peach blossom garden.'
'There is a fairy of peach blossom.'
'The fairy of peach blossom planted the peach blossom trees.'
'She traded the flowers for sweet wine.'
唐：（唐才子模样站到桌上）
'The people thought l was insane.'
'But they don't really understand me.'
'Can't you see the graves of the heroes?'
‘No flowers, no wine, but who cares?'
（秋香与才子模样的唐伯虎含情相望）
唐：l love this poem!
秋香：You recited the poem of Tong Pak-Fu.
ln fact, it's a kind of insult.
You are not qualified to recite   his poem。
唐：l couldn't help telling you the truth...
Listen, l am Tong... Bo... Hu!
秋香：Tong Bo-Hu?
唐：So?
秋香：You are really Tangbohu
唐：Qiuxiang, it’s me.
（秋香走过来，含情默默相对，然后相拥一起）
唐：Qiuxiang, tomorrow we'll go to the lake in boat, OK?
秋香：Bohu, no! You are the enemy of madam hua, I afraid that she would know. Then she will kill you.
唐：So long as I can stay with you, I don’t be afraid.
秋香：No! I don’t let you die.
唐：Don’t be afraid. With me! We could sneak out.
秋香：OK!
唐：We meet in my backyard, no see no go.
（从远处传来华夫人的骂人声）
秋香：Bohu! You leave quickly, madam hua is coming.
唐：Qiuxiang, see you tomorrow.
Act 5
地点：The backyard of Hua’s house, The street market
人物：唐伯虎，秋香，华夫人，数名仆人，数名市民，数名小摊贩
道具：1珠钗，1扇子，桌子，兵器（仆人用）
（唐伯虎在后院里徘徊）
唐：Qiuxiang, I know you would come.
秋香：I can't be out so long, madam Hua will know.
唐：Be at ease, I am here.
（唐伯虎与秋香来到了集市）
（秋香拿起一支珠钗）
秋香：Wow, so beautiful!
（然后走开）
秋香：Bohu, come and see. This mask looks so lovely.
（伯虎从身后拿出了刚才的那个珠钗）
唐：Here you are, and put it on
（两人陶醉于幸福中）
仆人：Madam Hua, they are there.
华夫人：Heng! Tangbohu, How dare you! Catch him up.
秋香：Madam Hua! Spare him, I follow you
华夫人：Spare him? He is the son of our enemy.
Do you think we will spare him? Servants, take him away!
秋香：（秋香跪下，伤心地哭）
No! Madam Hua, please! Spare him! Please!!!
华夫人：Take him away. Closed him away, and let him die at midnight!
秋香：（秋香陷入悲痛当中）No no ….Madam Hua….bohu
唐：Qiu xiang, Qiu xiang…
Act 6
地点：Hua’s house
人物：唐伯虎，夺命书生，华夫人，四香，石榴，仆人
道具：剑，枪，1凳子，1桌子，背景音乐
春香：(神情慌张) Madam, bad, bad! A man is dashing!
华夫人：（一拍桌子，站了起来）Who has a big audacity, he dare to dash here unexpectly!
夺命书生：（手拿剑）Madam Hua, long time no see. You saved your life at that time, I will uproot the Hua today!
华夫人：（一笑）What a big tone! Good! As your wish, today is the time of your death!
（两人展开激烈的战争）
（华夫人吐血，四香和石榴一起涌向前）
四香、石榴：Madam, madam! Are you ok? Madam?!
（夺命书生想一剑刺中秋香，唐伯虎突然赶到，挡开了那一剑）
夺：I’m Duo ming shusheng! Who you are?
唐：I’m just a little student who just has study for a few years, Hua an! And my name is tang bo hu!
三香、石榴：（迷惑）Tangbohu ?????
秋香：Bo hu
夺：Good! Let’s meet together!
（两人对立许久，相互一个飞吻，众人偕倒）
唐伯虎：Sorry, we are just feels so right, can’t control ourselves.
（一场激烈的打斗，唐伯虎将夺命书生刺死）
三香、石榴：（跳起，相当兴奋）Hua an, you are so great !
（对望）Tang bohu is so great！
秋香：Hua an, are you alright?
唐：l am fine, how about you?
华夫人：Tong Pak-Fu, l have to thank you for saving our whole family.
How can l reward you?
唐：Madam, you are welcome, l have only one request.
华夫人：l know it, you love Qiu xiang, right?
l will marry her to you.
（秋香既欣喜又害羞）
唐：Bravo!
Act 7
地点：The marriage hall of Hua’s house
人物：唐伯虎，秋香，三香，石榴，如花，华夫人，华文，准新娘
道具：红盖头，1凳子，1桌子，1条款，1柱香，背景音乐，舞蹈音乐
唐：Why are there so many brides 新娘?
华夫人：Tong bohu, although l promise to marry Qiu xiang to you,
but on one condition.
Choose Qiu xiang among 20 brides.
Hua wen
华文：（读条款）You should find her out before the incense is extinguished.
On the following conditions:
1st: Stand behind the yellow line to find out.
2nd: The brides can't produce any noise. Otherwise, she'll be fouled.
3rd: Don't use anything...to touch the brides.
That's all.
华夫人：lf you can't find Qiu xiang in time, then you'll lose.
Then, Qiu xiang will marry my sons, Wah Man and Wah Mo.
唐：Madam, please don't fool me.
华夫人：Mr. Tong, why do you say so?
唐：ln such conditions, how can l choose Qiu xiang?
Be frank, l can swear! l love Qiu xiang whole-heartedly.
Why do you fool me again and agian?
华夫人：Nonsense ['n?ns?ns]胡说；废话荒谬的. 胡说！, choose it!
唐：Oh, my god. （做出挑选新娘的动作）（一准新娘身子动了动）
l know it.（飞身将准新娘抱住）
华文：Time's up.
唐：On time. Qiu xiang（掀开准新娘的面具，竟然是石榴姐！）
石榴：Tang tang!
唐：Why is you?
石榴：Now, everybody knows...you have drawn my picture secretly.
How can l face other people? I'd better die.
唐：That's good idea.
石榴：Of course, you agree with this suggestion.
As you want to die with me, like Romeo and Juliet.
Damn you, l don't fall for you at all.
唐：Shit!   (唐伯虎狠狠把石榴推开）
Let me die!
众人：Kneel down, the wedding starts.
唐：Qiu xiang?!
（两从跪下）
华夫人：Qiu xiang, after so many tests,
l believe Tong loves you wholeheartedly.
Now, I’m glad to let him marry you.
秋香：Thank you, Madam.
众人：Wish you have today year after year!
Year old of old has the present too!
唐：Thank you, thank you!
（两人默默相望）
唐：Qiu xiang, passed through so many twists and turns, fortunately...
秋香：We are getting married at last.
（集体跳舞作为一个幸福结尾）