伦敦10月治安怎么样:和子女谈谈性也无妨

　　性教育工作者说，即使子女感到很窘迫或者不想听，但父母们还是需要经常和子女聊聊性、避孕措施和其它“敏感”的话题。

Experts say even if teens act like they don't care about what you're saying, they probably do.

专家说，即使孩子们表面上什么都不想听，他们可能实际上一个字都不想放过。”

"Parents say they have difficulty, but the reality is with a little practice, it's not that hard," says Fred Kaeser, author of What Your Child Needs to Know About Sex (and When), out last month. "Stand in front of a mirror. Practice with your partner. Get used to saying various words.…

　　弗雷德•凯撒是上个月出版的《你的孩子需要了解的性事》一书的作者。他说，“和孩子聊性话题，父母们说他们感觉说起来有些难度，但现实是稍加练习后，事情也不是那么难。站在一面镜子前，和你的配偶练习一下，使自己说出一些敏感词时不那么磕磕绊绊的……”

"Don't allow the comfort issue to get in the way of talking with your child," says Kaeser, a former director of health for New York City public schools.

　　凯撒曾经是纽约市公立学校的督导主任。“和你的孩子沟通时不要让他（她）感觉不舒服。”

What parents say and do appears to matter. New federal data on teen sex released Wednesday find that for both sexes, a "significantly smaller percentage" of teens had had sex if they lived with both parents at age 14; if the mother had her first child at 20 or older; if the mother was a college graduate; or if the teen currently lived with both parents. For example, 35% of girls who lived with both parents said they'd had sex, vs. 54% of those in any other living arrangement.

　　父母的一言一行对孩子影响很大。上周三公布的有关青少年性行为的联邦统计数据表明，男女青少年都算在内，如果如果他（她）们在14岁时，父母未曾离异；如果母亲在20岁或更大些的年龄生育的第一个孩子；如果母亲是位大学毕业生；或者如果他（她）们在接受调查时仍然和父母生活在一起的话，发生性行为的“比例明显要低很多。”举个例子，和父母一起生活的女孩曾经发生性行为的比例为35%，而其它生活状态的女孩曾经发生性行为的比例为54%。

Clinical psychologist Sharon Maxwell of Canton, Mass., says there's "never going to be any positive reinforcement for talking to kids about sex. They don't want to talk to you about it; it embarrasses them. They're going to walk away, slam the door, roll their eyes."Maxwell, mother of a daughter, 22, and son, 20, says her expertise in talking to kids about sex came about after she realized she "needed to be much more proactive" in talking about it with her own kids. 

　　来自马萨诸塞州坎顿市的临床心理学家莎伦•马克斯维尔说，“在和孩子谈性的问题上，家长总是无法取得积极的成果。孩子们不想和你聊这个话题；因为这个话题让他们感到难堪，他们会走开，甩上门或者对你翻白眼。” 马克斯维尔是位两个孩子的母亲，女儿22岁，儿子20岁。她说，她在和自己的子女交流性问题的过程中，认识到“需要采取积极主动的方式”，并由此总结出一套和子女谈性的专家经验。

"When they say they got sex education in school, you can say: 'You got the biology, but you didn't get the ethics of it. You did not get what's going to make you feel good as a person.'"

　　“当孩子们说他们在学校里已经接受过性教育了的时候，你可以说：‘你仅仅学到了生理上的性知识，但你还没有学到性道德。你还没有学到怎样才能完美地做人。’”

Parents "can share that you wished somebody had talked to you, but don't go sharing your sexual experiences. Just say you could have used more information," says Maxwell, author of The Talk: What Your Kids Need to Hear From You About Sex.“

　　父母们“可以和子女分享你希望他们和你交流的愿望，但不必介绍你的性经验。只是告诉孩子们，（需要的话，）大人会提供力所能及的帮助，” 马克斯维尔说。她是《对话：和你的孩子谈性》一书的作者。

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Sex educator Logan Levkoff, 35, of New York says kids are looking for ways to express their sexuality, "especially when they're told, 'Don't go out and do it.' It's not a real surprise that teens use technology to express their sexuality … without doing anything physically," she says.

　　来自纽约的性教育工作者洛根•莱沃寇夫（35岁）说，孩子们在寻找表达性兴趣的途径，“特别是当大人告诉他们‘不要出去尝试性’时更是如此。一点都不让人感到奇怪，青少年……可以不用发生身体接触的性行为，而是通过工具表达他们的性能力。”undefined

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That's another reason parents have to talk about sexing — sending sexual messages and pictures electronically, says Levkoff, author of the 2007 book Third Base Ain't What It Used to Be. "Once you have this kind of pop culture term for it and we have our politicians caught doing it, it's something for parents to be talking about." 

　　莱沃寇夫说，“逼着父母们不得不和孩子谈性话题的另外一个原因是孩子们通过电子媒介发送涉性短消息和图片。一旦流行文化的词汇触及了性内容，以及我们的政治家们出了性丑闻的话，父母们就可以借此和孩子做个沟通。” 莱沃寇夫是07年出版的《性爱形式的变迁》一书的作者。undefined

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Levkoff adds that "when parents leave out the word 'pleasure,' either deliberately or inadvertently, we have lied to our children. Young people know there has to be something pleasurable about sex, or people wouldn't be doing it." 

　　莱沃寇夫补充道，“当家长不管是有意还是无意地忽略‘愉悦’这个词时，我们其实就已经和孩子们说谎了。年轻人知道性行为肯定会带来某些愉悦的感受，否则人们就不会做爱了。”undefined

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Sinikka Elliott, an assistant professor of sociology at North Carolina State University in Raleigh, says her interviews with parents of teens found that they had a difficult time thinking about their own kids as wanting to have sex, even though they thought of their kids' peers as highly sexual.

　　西妮卡•埃利奥特是北卡罗拉纳州立大学社会学助理教授。她说在和家长们交流的过程中，她发现，尽管家长们都很清楚自己孩子的同龄人都在显示出强烈性兴趣，但是一涉及到谈论自己孩子的性需求问题，他们便难以启齿。undefined

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Her book, Not My Kid: What Parents Believe About the Sex Lives of Their Teenagers, is due next summer. "Parents feel morally accountable for keeping their kids safe," she says. "They see sex as a real threat."

　　她的新书《我的孩子不这样：父母们对自己子女性行为的态度》预计会在明年夏季出版。她说，“家长们感觉他们从道德观念上有责任保证自己孩子的安全，他们将性作为一个现实的威胁。”undefined

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Parents' goal when talking to kids about sex "should be to give kids information, not to extract information from them about 'What are you doing? How far have you gone?'" says Amber Madison, author of Talking Sex With Your Kids. 

　　在和子女谈性时，父母们的目标应当是“为孩子们提供信息，而不是从孩子口中榨取信息，诸如‘’你们要做什么？你们已经到什么程度了？等等问题，”安柏•麦迪逊说。她是《和子女谈谈性》一书的作者。undefined

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"Even if kids act like they don't care about what they're saying, they do," she says. "Even if they act like they're not listening, they probably are."

　　“即使孩子表面上看起来对家长说的毫不在乎，实际上他们非常在意；即使表面上什么都不想听，他们可能实际上一个字都不想放过。”
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