沙特王室的家庭装修:允许自己快乐又成功

你希望自己快乐又成功吗？显而易见，我们都希望拥有它们。此外，我们还希望获得爱、欣赏和珍视。无一例外，我们都有这样的人类需求，在这些方面感到满足的欲求是我们情感组成中不可或缺的一部分。

Most of the articles I write focus on practical strategies for creating positive changes in your life because I want to help you fill those important basic needs so that you can enjoy a higher quality of life. But there is another vital aspect to living a happy, healthy, and successful life that is often overlooked. In fact, this is so vitally important that if you leave out this one thing, those other strategies probably won’t do you much good. Any idea what I am talking about?

因为希望能帮助你满足这些基本需求并享受高质量的人生，我写的文章大多关注于为你提供在生活中创造积极改变的实用方法，但是想要人生快乐、健康和成功，还有一个至关重要却又容易被忽视的方面。实际上，它是那么重要，如果你遗漏了这一点，其他那些方法可能不会对你有太大帮助。知道我说的是什么吗？

You must get permission first

你必须首先允许自己。

I know it sounds strange, but it really is true. Before you can be truly happy or feel deeply loved and appreciated, you need to get permission. Otherwise, you might end up feeling unsuccessful or unloved even in the presence of love and success.

我知道这听上去有些奇怪，但这却是真的。在你能真正感到快乐，感受深深的爱意和由衷的欣赏之前，你需要获得允许。否则，即使你坐拥爱情和成功，内心深处仍然可能感到挫败或茕茕孑立。

How could this be?

这怎么可能呢？

We all have an internal system of emotional checks and balances. This system is influenced by our response to different life experiences and is calibrated according to what we think we deserve. If our system is calibrated too low, we will start to feel out of balance whenever we begin to experience success in any area of life. This is because internally we will sense that we don’t actually deserve it, and this will cause a very subtle emotional conflict.

我们每个人内在都有一套情感制衡系统。这个系统受我们对各种生活体验产生的反应影响，是根据我们认为自己价值几何来校对调整的。如果我们将系统调校为低水平，无论何时我们在生活的任何方面开始取得成功，我们都会感到失去了平衡。这是因为我们的内在认为自己事实上配不上成功，从而导致非常微妙的情感冲突。

Recalibrate your system of emotional checks and balances

调校你的情感制衡系统

Self-sabotaging behavior is one of the ways that internal conflict seeks to right itself and restore balance. Another way is by denying any evidence that we are receiving something that we don’t deserve.

自我破坏是内在冲突寻求解决和重塑平衡的方式之一。另一种方式是否认我们正在获得，因为我们认为自己不配拥有。 

This means that we will either adjust our actions to undermine whatever success we have created, or we will simply refuse to acknowledge it. The only positive way out of this negative feedback loop is to recalibrate the whole system. But remember, this internal system of checks and balances is emotional, not logical. So, how do we bypass the conflicting feelings and dial up what we think we deserve?

这意味着，我们要么调整自己的行为去破坏苦心经营的成功，要么直接拒绝承认它的存在。 唯一脱离这个负面回馈循环圈的正面方式是调校整个系统。但是请记住，这个内在制衡系统是感性而非理性的。那么，我们该怎样避免类似的冲突性情感，连接我们认为自己值得拥有的一切呢？

Give yourself permission to live an exceptional life

允许自己生活得出类拔萃

The permission to be happy, healthy, successful, loved, appreciated, and valued can only come from one source. It must come from you! It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks you are capable of or deserve. It only matters what you can convince yourself to believe.

允许自己快乐、健康、成功、被爱、获得欣赏和珍视的力量只有一个源头。就是你！与其他人认为你能不能该不该无关。 唯一起作用的是你告诉自己的是什么。

By giving yourself permission to fill your most basic human needs abundantly, you can completely override your system of checks and balances. You don’t need to feel that you deserve happiness; you just need your own permission to fully experience it. There is no reason to make happiness, love or success conditional. You don’t need to measure up to some self-imposed standard so that you feel like you deserve it. All you need is your own permission!

通过允许自己丰裕地满足个人最基本的人类需求，你完全可以改写你的制衡系统。你不必感到你值得拥有快乐，只需要允许自己完全地体验到快乐就够了。快乐、爱或者成功从来都不应该是有条件的。你不必自设标准来要求自己，认为达到了标准才算值得。你需要做的只是允许自己而已！

Replace deserve with willingness to accept

将“值得”换为“愿意接受”

If I offered you a million dollars, what would you do? Would you refuse my gift on the basis that you didn’t do anything to earn it, or would you gladly accept it? I am pretty sure you would accept it whether you felt like you did something to earn it or not.

如果我给你一百万美元，你会做什么？你会以这不是自己挣的为理由拒绝我的馈赠吗？还是会兴高采烈地接受它？我非常肯定，不管你觉得这是不是自己挣的你都会接受它。

Why should happiness be any different? You can’t earn happiness, but you can give yourself permission to accept happiness into your life. If you want to feel loved, appreciated, and valued, start by feeling that way about yourself. Then give yourself permission to be willing to accept those feelings from others.

为什么面对快乐就不同了呢？你不可能“挣得”快乐，但你可以允许自己接纳快乐进入生活。如果你希望感受被爱，受到欣赏和珍视，就从那样看待自己开始吧。然后允许自己愉快地接受来自他人的爱、欣赏和珍视。

Uphold your standards, but let go of conditional living

坚守你的标准，但弃绝有条件的生活

I am not saying that we shouldn’t strive to be the best possible version of ourselves because I believe that we should. What I am saying is that we should not withhold the fulfillment of our most basic human needs until we feel like we have earned them.

我并不是说我们不应该努力奋斗成为最好的自己，事实上我觉得我们应该这么做。我的意思是，我们不应该总是延迟满足自己这些最基本的情感需求，直到觉得自己靠努力“挣到”了它们为止。

You already deserve to be happy and successful. You also deserve to feel loved, appreciated, and valued. But you won’t fully experience any of those wonderful feelings until you give yourself permission to accept them into your life.

你已经值得享受快乐、拥抱成功。你也值得被爱，获得欣赏和珍视。但只有允许自己接纳它们进入你的生活，你才能完全地体验到这些美妙的情感。